Over the last several months the world and now our nation has been fighting an invisible enemy. The pandemic that has swept across the globe caused by COVID-19 has brought many nations to its knees and crippled economies. Millions have been infected, that we know of, and the death toll continues to rise at a staggering rate. In the United States, most of the country is under “stay at home” orders in an attempt to slow the spread of the virus and protect lives. In the United States alone there are millions out of work and human suffering can be seen everywhere as the death toll now closes in on 40,000 lives. Regardless of how this ends, if it ends, our lives are forever changed. Our children will remember this time for the rest of their lives. For them, this is their Pearl Harbor or 9/11. We can only hope that in the coming months our heroes in the healthcare community can find a way to stop this silent killer that threatens to destroy the very fabric of our cultural existence.
Over the last several weeks I have plenty of opportunities to reflect on my situation as it is impacted by current events. A lot of long nights alone with no one to talk to will do that to you. Really just a lot of time alone period can make people delve into the deeper parts of their mind and self-reflection. In doing so I have gone through a litany of emotions and feelings in general. Anger at the universe for being so cruel to have brought this on us and made my life difficult. Frustration at not being able to go to my favorite restaurant when I just don’t feel like cooking. Irritation that all the things I had planned or the spring and summer are quickly unraveling. How dare all this happen and mess up my life! What the hell did I do to deserve this? Doesn’t the universe know I have things to do? Trying to finalize my move to Virginia, buying a house, trips to take, hunting I want to do. I mean come on this is really messing up what I want to do!
I was sitting on the couch a few nights ago. Pissed off at the world. I have been assigned to temporary duties in support of the DOD response to COVID-19. This means I’m working a 12 hour night shift from 6 pm to 6 am. Even on my days off, I have to maintain a night work schedule. So I was pissed because it was the middle of the night. I had nothing to do. I couldn’t go anywhere and when the sun came up I was going to have to go to bed. Then I had a moment. A moment where I realized I was being an ass. What was I complaining about? The fact that yeah things are a little difficult right now but I still have a job that pays well? That my family was safe? That I just bought a brand new house in a nice neighborhood? At that moment I began to have some perspective. At the end of the day I, unlike the more than 2 million families who have loved ones sickened by this horrible disease, am doing well. Unlike the more than 150,000 families who have had to say goodbye to a loved one through a window or from home while they suffered in an ICU alone, I have not. Yeah, my work schedule sucks but I’m not in New York City where the true heroes of our nation are fighting a war unlike anyone in this generation has seen. So yeah, I had a moment. A moment of perspective on life and that I need to be thankful that I have the security that I have.
I hope that this time next year we are looking back at this time in our lives as a dark past in our history. That we have been able to move on from this and recover as a society. A time when we can get back to normalcy, even if that means there is somewhat of a change to what that is. I have no doubt that this had changed us forever. I just hope that we are able to come out on top of this on the other end. In the meantime, I’m going to be thankful for the blessings I have. I’m going to be thankful for the people that are on the frontlines risking their lives selflessly in the battle that rages in our hospitals. So now I’m going to have more moments. Moments, when I stop, say a silent prayer for those impacted by this pandemic. To the heroes in scrubs, I thank you. Thank you for shouldering the weight of a nation and world that owes you our love and respect. God Bless!
